New year...new beginnings

What is it about the start of a new year that is always so refreshing, in every sense of the word? It's like we start the year off with a clean slate, a fresh start, and are able to reinvent ourselves in mind, body and spirit. All just by turning the page on a calendar.

Like everyone else, I'm making some new year's resolutions. And also like everyone else, I'll probably break a few along the way. But I'm gonna try. There are plenty of things that make my "list" every year...things I want to change about myself or accomplishments that don't quite happen, and I think...okay, NEXT year, then. or at least SOMEDAY.

This year, instead of my resolutions read like a never-ending to-do list, I want to keep some general ideas in mind, and try focusing on smaller details of the larger picture; things that I can actually accomplish that will bring me closer to my overall goals.

Here are a few of my resolutions/goals for 2009:

Be Healthier:

1. Exercise. I don't like to work out very much. I get motivated and then that motivation quickly dies. I like to spend my time doing other activities besides looking like a gerbil on a spinning wheel. But I have taken a good, hard (and difficult) look at myself in the mirror and have finally realized that I am overweight. And I do NOT want to remain this way. I don't want to get skinny (I like my butt, thank you very much), but I do want to lose quite a few pounds. So I will actually have to schedule some time for working out. I'm not gonna go way overboard and resolve to make it to the gym 5 days a week or anything like that. Baby steps. I am gonna load my iPhone with some movies I can watch while I'm on the treadmill, and maybe that will help a bit. My brother (whom I work with) works out at the gym downstairs here in the office at least 3 days a week, so I might turn to him for some extrinsic motivation; maybe a workout buddy. But I'm gonna try. I'm also looking into taking classes at S-Factor, but maybe a bit more on that later...

2. Diet. No, I'm not talking about going on any kind of crash diet to lose weight. I mean that I really, REALLY need to change my eating habits overall. I've tried diets; they don't work. Well, they work just fine for the 2 weeks that I'm actually able to stick to them. But then I come out even more starved for junk food and, well, you know the rest. I need to change my mentality about food and start eating more because I am actually hungry, and less because it tastes really, really good. It's difficult to eat in a healthy manner; it's more expensive than junk food, usually takes longer (some kind of actual preparation involved), and my office kitchen is ALWAYS stocked with junk food. I get bored of eating the same thing all the time, so I need to expand my list of healthy foods. Time to explore. I found a few applications for my iPhone that might come in handy; one is the LIVESTRONG calorie counter, which synchs up with www.thedailyplate.com, which records the food you've eaten, exercise done, etc. It's a GREAT site. Another great app is Urban Spoon, which can help me find more healthy restaurant choices when I am out and about. Looking forward to using both of those, and trying new things. I just want to stay AWARE of what I eat...

3. Strive for Emotional Balance. Far too often, I am on autopilot throughout my days. I go from stressor to stressor and don't take the time to stop and assess how I am holding up through it all. I need to slow down a bit and re-connect with myself; both body and mind. Otherwise, things just pile up till I find I can't take them anymore, to the point where I feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown or else my body just shuts down and I get sick. This can't continue. It's not healthy at all. I want to take more time to stop just going through the motions of it all, and actually start connecting with what I am doing in the moment. This means that I'll just have to let go of some things on my daily to-do list; it's not worth it to scramble through it all only to exhaust and numb myself in the process. I want to start to really listen to what my body and mind is trying to tell me as I go along. I have a feeling that doing so would impact a LOT of different areas of my life.

Build Better Relationships:

1. Strengthen the relationships I have.  This means devoting actual time to people; making room for them in my life. Not being so lazy...taking the time to call someone or drive to their house to visit. Really, REALLY listening to them when they are sharing things. And being a better wife/friend/sister/daughter/etc. in doing so.

2. Making room for relationships to come. I complain a lot that I don't have that many friends. But I don't do what it takes to create more. Creating and keeping true friends takes a lot of time and effort; it's a difficult balance to achieve. And when I feel stretched thin, I don't always want to spend my precious time on people that I don't really know all that well. But I have come to realize that I am also closing myself off from making any new connections by continuing in this way. So there has to be some give and take here. I am finding that by just opening myself to the IDEA of meeting new people, I am much more friendly, chatty, and easygoing. So we'll just see what happens.

Build My Business:

1. Just DO It. Well, my photography business (the Suitcase Studio) is up and running. (And a special thanks to the many, many people that have helped me launch my business.) I am off and running, and making things up as I go along. I am constantly learning from each new experience. And as I proceed, self-doubt has a way of settling in where it doesn't belong. I start to question myself...can I really DO this? Am I GOOD enough? I have to admit; I feel like such a fraud sometimes... I don't have the background training that many other photographers have, and that makes me feel uncomfortable. But then I have to keep in mind that the technical aspect of it all can be learned.  I like to believe that I have the creativity part of it DOWN, and that I can just build around that. I have to remember that the only standards I need to meet along the way are my OWN. I am fighting my natural tendency to just do it ALL right NOW! I am trying really hard to plan for the future as I handle today...take things slowly and grow in a direction that I am comfortable with. Sometimes it is difficult not to jump into the deep end of it all. But I am taking the necessary time to DO what I am planning...not just plan and let it sit, like many other projects I have attempted over the years. I am DOING this.

2. Be TRUE to myself as an artist: Without even meaning to, I seem to have stumbled into my own style of photography. (Who even KNEW that I had a style?) And now that I have found it, I am going to try really hard to stay true to myself and that style (even as it develops and grows/changes over the years). My normal tendency is to try and please everyone... if a client were to ask me if I can do something, I would say YES and try my hardest to accomplish what they want. But now I know that I need to set some limits. I really, really like what I am doing with my business...I like the looks of my images SO MUCH and am so proud of my work. I don't want to change that to try and accomodate people. I keep in mind that there are a LOT of different photographers out there; if someone wants a different look/style of photograph, they can easily find one of those photographers to accomodate them. It might sound a bit harsh; I really don't mean it to. I just want clients to be able to come to me because they like MY style and know what to expect from their final product.

3. Grow. I want to grow my business; not just treat it as a side-gig, but as another full-time job. I want to keep in mind that I need to dedicate myself to spending a LOT of time on this. I want to keep learning different aspects of photography, and branch out into different areas...I want to start doing boudoir photography, and would eventually like top work my way up to doing wedding photography. It is my goal to make this business my ONLY source of income... I am working on the idea of this as a "two-year plan"... keep my day-job as a secretary AND the photography business for two years. Hopefully, at the end of 2010, the Suitcase Studio will be strong enough for me to let go of my secretarial job.

So, I've got a lot on my plate this year. But I can definitely make some progress here...