I don't set much stock in daily horoscopes. They're entertaining to read, of course, but not to be taken seriously. But ever now and again, I'll come across some that just seem to resonate with me. And, while I still don't see it as a "sign" or premonition of things to come, I like to think about it and use it as a sort of mantra for the day; my daily thought or something to reflect on.
I've been getting my daily horoscope sent to me on Twitter, and so far, I'm really liking what I see. For the last week or so, they've "spoken" to me a bit. Yesterday's was stating something along the lines of "while I know my destination, I am frustrated because I have to figure out how to get there; the simple act of knowing isn't enough. It will be difficult, but I've got to try and find balance as I figure this out." (I have to paraphrase this, as I can't seem to find yesterday's actual word-for-word reading.)
And here is today's "twitter-scope":
Friday, June 5, 2009: No matter how determined you are now to walk your talk, distractions at work can pull you off your carefully considered course. Every fork in the road is exciting because each path that leads in an unknown direction touches your soul and calls your name. Nevertheless, it's crucial for you to keep reminding yourself that you are on a mission. You won't reach your desired destination if you explore every good idea on the way.
And here is how that is relevant in my life...
I really, really, REALLY want for my photography business to blossom and become my life's work, so to speak. I want it to be my sole source of income; I want for it to become my career. I am working on it pretty steadily... I've been getting more paying gigs, widening my client circle, and when it's slow, I use my friends and family to practice on and build up my portfolio further. I feel that I am constantly stretching and growing... both as an artist and as a businesswoman. And yet, I am never fully satisfied. Maybe that's for the best... it keeps me reaching even further; trying to figure out the next step. But for right now, it's a bit overwhelming.
I pretty much feel like I am working two full-time jobs at the moment. Since I am not yet making enough money from my photography in order to support me, I continue to work my day-job as a legal secretary. So, I work there every weekday till 5, then come home and start editing photos from my most recent session, often working on them each night till about 11 pm, when I get ready for bed for the night, just to start it all over again the next day. Then, if lucky, I have a session set for each weekend, and sometimes I take a day off of my day-job to accomodate a shoot during the weekday, as well. And, as I said before, if I don't have a paying client for the week, I'll still try to do something on my own, just to get in the practice. So, I feel like I am ALWAYS working. I am tired.
It's been a struggle lately... my day-job is becoming more overwhelming, full of changes and more responsibilities added. I'm stressed and frazzled by the time I leave there, and yet, I've got hours of work ahead of me still. I hate just sitting there at my desk all day, with the full knowledge that I belong somewhere else. KNOWING what else it is that I should be doing with my time, and not yet able to dedicate myself to my photography full-time. I know that I'm heading in the right direction. I KNOW that I am doing what I can to build and grow my business. But I am not a patient person. This process is sorely trying my patience, and testing me in the worst way possible.
There are times I feel totally lazy, and the thought of doing more is so overwhelming that I find myself doing nothing at all. I should market myself more, update my website, get new materials printed, etc. But then I realize that I am simply being too hard on myself, and that I am already doing plenty. I know what I want and am heading in the right direction (albeit slowly). The point is that I am doing it.
I know that I'll get there, even though it might be slower than I might like. I am finding my way as I go along, figuring out my signature style. I know that this is where I belong; I feel myself come alive as I edit my photos...they speak to me, and I find pieces of myself within them.
It's only a matter of time. And, though difficult, I am learning to be patient.
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